We are getting married! Now What?!
Congratulations! You are engaged!
Your partner popped the question (or- maybe you did!) You’ve shared the news with your family and friends as well as all over social media! You are still feeling the joyous glow of committing to someone…but you have a nagging feeling like you “should” be doing something now that YES has been declared. This urge to act can be slightly overwhelming.
I’ve been there. I can remember every detail of when my husband proposed on a hot day in June. He was on leave from Iraq, and it was a picture perfect moment- the ring was beautiful. After the surprise wore off, I was all over the internet looking at wedding inspiration, trying to decide bridesmaid’s dress colors, wondering about having live music. I ended up overwhelming myself.
Instead of being like me and going bananas trying to figure out the best harpist (I have suggestions!) before your grandma has had a chance to see the ring, take a deep breath. With hundreds of weddings in my portfolio, I know a thing or two about planning. I hope you find the following few tips helpful as you move into the post-engagement phase of your relationship.
1. First and foremost, enjoy the fact that you have found someone you love so much and that loves you in return. Get used to wearing that ring proudly. Spend some time being each other’s fiancé before jumping into the deep end of planning. Share the story of how the proposal went down, relish in what is happening now.
2. Sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation about the wedding. Share your dreams, vision, wants and dislikes. Have an open and receptive discussion about budget and guest list. This should happen between you two before you involve anyone else. Remember, you are marrying this person and it is imperative to have each other’s backs in perpetuity. There is marriage and there is the celebration that is your wedding.
3. Determine a season or date for the celebration. Depending on your budget, you may want to consider an off-season celebration or a Friday/Sunday. Maybe you’ve always wanted to be wed outdoors and you live in a region in which rain plans are necessary. Knowing approximately WHEN you wish to hold a wedding event will likely dictate venues, vendors, and availability.
4. Hire a professional in the events industry. I am not just saying this because I am a full-time event planner. Having a wedding planner or at minimum, a day-of coordinator, will alleviate so much stress. Experts in this field have spent years cultivating relationships, doing research, and practicing their craft. This means you have access to the best of the best without having to scour google for reviews, interview dozens of options, and then try to run the day yourself.
5. Source your wedding pro partners early! Prime season books fast for planners, photographers, florists, and catering teams. If you know who you want- meet with them early. If you are overwhelmed and confused- look at Pinterest for styles you like and find local professionals whose portfolios match your overall vibe. Make a list of important qualities for each to bring to your meetings. Any ideas are better than none! This is YOUR day, curate the experience you desire!
6. Think about who you want by your side as you celebrate your love. Maybe it is a small handful of your best friends, maybe its all six of your brothers, maybe you just want an intimate elopement. You and your partner deserve to have your favorite people alongside you as you are legally bound in marriage. There are not gender rules for any wedding role these days- assign roles based on the people you see most fit within them.
7. Start drafting your guest list. Budget often dictates size of this list…and if you have anyone chipping in financially for your big day, it is polite to ask them who they would like to include at your wedding. Gathering your families to discuss this aspect is important so that there are no surprises or hurt feelings. Remember this general rule- you will have about an 80% acceptance rate on RSVPs. This means if you invite 300 guests, usually this means about 240 will attend.
8. Utilize resources from social media groups, wedding websites like TheKnot.com or Weddingwire. Zola also has great information on budgeting, invitations, planning, and even registries. There are so many online options from which to source information, gather inspiration, and even give you that beacon of hope that all this effort is going to yield the most glorious celebration of your happiness!
Your engagement is as unique and special as you and your relationship. No two are the same and your path may vary from that of friends and family. There are no hard and fast rules to love. However, you choose to approach your engagement and wedding, be sure it speaks true to your values…and try to enjoy the process. It goes so fast!